WIP preview; love you (in the worst way)

“ Early on into their arrangement, Barbie and Verosika had agreed to avoid any pillow talk. Sex was meant to only provide physical comfort as they both struggled through withdrawal and the tedium of their stay at the Hyacinth Rehabilitation Center (which was set in Sloth, thus following a completely different schedule than either woman was accustomed to.) Rehab centers, psych wards and the like tended to exist in their own liminal spaces, so it was rather easy to create some semblance of a relationship with fellow patients, but those relationships never lasted outside. As a bid to avoid falling into disappointment, Barbie insisted they agree to avoid any chances of getting too familiar. Verosika warned that everyone tended to fall for her after getting a taste of her pussy and Barbie only barely resisted the urge to hit her.” -love you (in the worst way) 2024

 I figured I’d finally get some use out of this subscription and actually write a blog post, and what else should I post about than my usual chronically online shenanigans?

There’s a big bang event coming up and truth be told, I’m sort of overwhelmed about writing a long form fic, or like, a longer fic than I’m used to. The pairing is Barbie Wire/ Verosika, but so far it’s a lot of Barbie Wire character exploration, and Verosika is kind of like, a way to reflect the way her relationships have been altered, or something along those lines. Hopefully I get the voices down, but that’s a struggle when Barbie so far has so had so little dialogue, and only in the specific context of absolutely wrecking her brother. Honestly, Verosika is difficult too despite having more lines and appearances. Helluva Bosses biggest weakness in  my opinion is having female characters’ existence revolve around the main male characters. Of course that’s just inevitable when the main characters are men, and side characters are primarily meant to add to the main character’s journey but that has the unfortunate side effect of making a character such as Vero sort of one note, if that makes sense. It’s difficult to ‘pass the bechdal test’ with her when so much of her character is intertwined with Blitz. 

I don’t know, there’s a goal here but my constant concern is that no one else can see that goal. That my writing just ends up being incomprehensible to anyone that isn’t me. I know, I should get a beta reader but I’m such a control freak and the idea of someone wanting to change my writing is like. Intimidating I guess? Like, what if my writing is so bad that everything needs to be changed and nothing about my style is recognizable in the final product? And what if that makes for a better story? Fuck, I’m such a needy loser who constantly needs reassurance, but I don’t think I’ve earned it. I worry that any compliment someone gives my writing is out of pity instead of their actual feelings. 

Not sure what I can do to write without all of these insecurities but maybe journaling the process will be helpful? I have a lot of projects planned so I might come back to yap some more.