Lust for a Vampyr

I finally finished my Helluva Bang fic yesterday, which is a complete relief holy shit- I decided against doing multiple projects since it's hard enough to completely concentrate on one at a time. Still waiting for my artists to update me, but I guess Ill just have to have faith in them to post on time. One of the contributors dmed the creator despite their artists` having provided a due date which. I don't want to be That Guy. 

There's been a lot of That Guys in this bang so far actually. When the event started and we were being assigned artists and writers I was assigned three artists initially. When I went go check their social media platforms, so I could see who Id be working with, I noticed one of them had a Tumblr that had a bunch of pro Israel propaganda. I wasn't comfortable working with someone like that, and the creator agreed, kicking that user off the event because he wanted to be sure there was no place for Zionist bullshit. The person made a stink over it but quieted down pretty quickly so I figured we were done with that shit. But then today, when I read one of the fics posted for the bang, at the very end of it there was an authors note saying they don't agree with us and would no longer be joining our events, something something antisemitism (despite Israel and Judaism not being interchangeable to anyone with a brain) but like. If they have such a strong moral objection to us, why did they go through with the event? 

It just struck me as oddly convenient that someone waits until the very end of the event to get on their high horse, you know, after having people provide free art to their fic... And I'm doubly suspicious because they did not tell anyone including their artists their plans. Almost like they knew they wouldn't be welcome in the event if they tipped people off to their bullshit and people wouldn't be so ready to provide free labor. I dunno, this is all probably chronically online bullshit but I found that particular incident infuriating honestly.

So yeah. There's just overall a lot of dumb shit shenanigans going on in this godforsaken fandom but when isn't there? On a semi related note, I'm already thinking of what my next fan project will be. Well, aside from shorter one shots I hope to write whenever inspo strikes. I've had this long form fanfic in mind for a while now, where the main pairing is Stella\Barbie Wire. Basically it details their relationship as a fucked up sugar mommy\ sugar baby dynamic as things just keep getting worse for Barbie Wire. I do plan on having Stoltz as a side pairing, partially because those are my guys but also I like the idea of setting up blitz\ stolas as as the girls' foils in a sense? Where they have similar circumstances but approached them in drastically different ways. Ill have to outline extensively but the loose ideas I have for this... its such a fun concept I can't wait to work on. 

Those are my latest updates ✌will probably add another soon :3

WIP preview; love you (in the worst way)

“ Early on into their arrangement, Barbie and Verosika had agreed to avoid any pillow talk. Sex was meant to only provide physical comfort as they both struggled through withdrawal and the tedium of their stay at the Hyacinth Rehabilitation Center (which was set in Sloth, thus following a completely different schedule than either woman was accustomed to.) Rehab centers, psych wards and the like tended to exist in their own liminal spaces, so it was rather easy to create some semblance of a relationship with fellow patients, but those relationships never lasted outside. As a bid to avoid falling into disappointment, Barbie insisted they agree to avoid any chances of getting too familiar. Verosika warned that everyone tended to fall for her after getting a taste of her pussy and Barbie only barely resisted the urge to hit her.” -love you (in the worst way) 2024

 I figured I’d finally get some use out of this subscription and actually write a blog post, and what else should I post about than my usual chronically online shenanigans?

There’s a big bang event coming up and truth be told, I’m sort of overwhelmed about writing a long form fic, or like, a longer fic than I’m used to. The pairing is Barbie Wire/ Verosika, but so far it’s a lot of Barbie Wire character exploration, and Verosika is kind of like, a way to reflect the way her relationships have been altered, or something along those lines. Hopefully I get the voices down, but that’s a struggle when Barbie so far has so had so little dialogue, and only in the specific context of absolutely wrecking her brother. Honestly, Verosika is difficult too despite having more lines and appearances. Helluva Bosses biggest weakness in  my opinion is having female characters’ existence revolve around the main male characters. Of course that’s just inevitable when the main characters are men, and side characters are primarily meant to add to the main character’s journey but that has the unfortunate side effect of making a character such as Vero sort of one note, if that makes sense. It’s difficult to ‘pass the bechdal test’ with her when so much of her character is intertwined with Blitz. 

I don’t know, there’s a goal here but my constant concern is that no one else can see that goal. That my writing just ends up being incomprehensible to anyone that isn’t me. I know, I should get a beta reader but I’m such a control freak and the idea of someone wanting to change my writing is like. Intimidating I guess? Like, what if my writing is so bad that everything needs to be changed and nothing about my style is recognizable in the final product? And what if that makes for a better story? Fuck, I’m such a needy loser who constantly needs reassurance, but I don’t think I’ve earned it. I worry that any compliment someone gives my writing is out of pity instead of their actual feelings. 

Not sure what I can do to write without all of these insecurities but maybe journaling the process will be helpful? I have a lot of projects planned so I might come back to yap some more.